Victory Pointless

Uzblitz and his entourage stomped onto the deck.  One of the shuttle bays of the Gargantic had been converted into a combination garage, shanty town and garbage dump and was now abuzz with the noise of engines revving and Orks going about their business.

“Gobdreg!  You wonted to see me?”

Mek Gobdreg turned around to face him, overshot slightly, wobbled and corrected.  “Ahh! Warbossh!  Yesh!” He smelled of something that might have been alcohol or promethium but was probably both. “I’z been buildin’ shtuff!”

“Oh.  ‘Ave you.” Uzblitz kept his expression neutral.  ‘I’z been buildin’ stuff’ was a sentence that was in his experience often followed shortly after by ‘come quickly, dere’s been a big explosion!’

“Avva lookat dis!” Gobdreg waved to some of his gretchin assistants who, after some confusion, tugged away a series of large tarps that had enclosed a section of the deck.

It took a while for Uzblitz to distinguish the difference between the objects inside and the piles of scrap metal that surrounded them, but as Gobdreg listed them off they resolved into semi-recognisable forms.

“Dere’sh a Trukk, a shtill- uh, a Bubblechukka…” Gobdreg was slurring excitedly.  “A buncha big gunz I fixshed up and even four deffkoptas-“

One of the deffkoptas spontaneously caught fire.

“-even three deffkoptas!”

“Well dun, Gobdreg,” said Uzblitz.  “I fink you’ve surpassed yerself.” It was a genuine complement, although only on a technicality.

Phase 2 of our ‘Voidbound’ crusade has just started and that means another 500 points of Orks had to be painted.  Here they are:

We’re no longer restricted to only Boarding Actions compatible units in this phase, so I chose to focus on the main thing that attracted me to playing Orks – randomised nonsense.  Everything I’m adding has some way of blowing up, hurting itself or doing something randomly.  This kind of thing used to be commonplace back in 2nd edition when I started playing where there were all kinds of random tables you’d roll on, often with humorous or flavourful results.  Orks were especially notorious for this; the Shokk Attack Gun famously had two full pages of rules for what happened every time you fired it.

That’s all gone now and even Orks are a shadow of their former selves.  (The SAG especially – firing a terrified snotling through the warp and materialising it inside somebody doesn’t even have Devastating Wounds?). In the interests of streamlining and balance this is probably a good thing.  But I’m hoping some of the old magic still remains and I can generate some cool narrative moments.  These will mostly be to the detriment of my own troops but I’m willing to sacrifice some lives in the name of comedy.  Plus if I lose I can blame it all on random chance, so my ego is protected.

Mek Gobdreg

Gobdreg is the true force holding the Waaagh together and without him the Gargantic would fall out of space.  Or, so says Gobdreg, anyway.  Gobdreg is a practitioner of ‘Gineering.  This is similar to Engineering, but involves getting off his face on fungus gin and then going down the workshop and seeing what happens.  This is an unorthodox approach but you can’t argue with the results.  To be more exact; the numerous Orks who have fallen prey to his devices malfunctioning and exploding can’t argue with the results, or with anything else, anymore.

Not much to say about this one – I like the model, although it feels strangely small and understated by the standards of GW character sculpts.

Big ‘Ed, Weirdboy

While the brutal simplicity of the Ork genome can survive radiation levels that would turn lesser species into a puddle, they are not immune to mutation.  Big ‘Ed is one such mutant, his grossly distended cranium making it expensive for him to buy hats but granting him prodigious psychic powers.  Strangely, the only thing known to sooth ‘Ed’s permanent headache is Nob Grubgrob’s poetry, a precise inverse of the experience of all others who have heard it.

The official weirdboy model looks a bit old and janky, so this is a conversion based on an Age of Sigmar Orruck Weirdnob.  Main additions are an oversized brain (made from bits of a Norn Emissary’s head), a gretchin minder (a Gloomspite Gitz Fanatic) and the weirdboy staff, the rest of the model was pretty good-to-go as-is.

Grubgrob’s Extra Ladz

These boyz have joined Grubgrob’s Ladz, mainly to help mind Big ‘Ed and keep his psychic blasts pointed vaguely in the direction of the enemy.

I complained last time about the new Boyz kit being monopose, but it wasn’t actually too difficult to un-monopose them and make every boy unique in this new set.  The forearms mostly have some kind of cuff or wrap so it’s easy to chop off the hands and swap them around.  The heads are harder because a lot of them come attached to bits of shoulder or even whole arms and there’s no consistent neck detail, so this took a lot of careful cutting and filling of gaps with sprue goo.  I mixed in some spare bits from the Kommandos set to add variety and carry on the toxic waste motif.

Da Dakkadek

One of Gobdreg’s more stable inventions, it’s still impossible to tell what is going to come out of the barrel of this cannon.  Rumour has it this was originally an experiment in producing carbonated alcoholic beverages that was repurposed as a weapon when it accidentally blew out half of the engineering deck.

I’m running this as a Bubblechukka (for the lolz) although I also made it possible to swap the bits for a Kustom Mega Kannon, which I like the look of more but has a pretty pants profile (why does a Mega-Kannon have less AP than a Mega-Blasta/Slugga?).  I needed some anti-tank in my list and this is it.  More precisely, since it has a random profile, one third of the time it’s this.  Hopefully I can also chip down vehicles with Rokkit fire, but it definitely seems to be an area where Orks don’t have a lot of good options.

The little gretchin crew models are cool, I just wish they had a use other than as wound tokens.

Da Dumptrukk

Another construction of Mek Gobdreg.  Warboss Uzblitz has banned him from driving it himself.

This is by far the worst kit to put together I’ve ever assembled.  Everything’s fiddly, nothing fits together properly and if you follow the order in the instructions you’ll make it impossible to get certain bits in.  I’m Orkifying a Genestealer Cults Goliath to use as my second trukk purely so that I don’t have to do this again.

One nice aspect is that the flatbed on the back of the truck gave me some space for a mini-diorama.  The vehicle has a ‘grot riggers’ ability which isn’t represented on the model at all, so I gave it a little gretchin welder desperately trying to keep the thing together on the move.  His name is Tennesee and my commiserations to anybody who gets that reference.

Da Uvver Sorta Choppas

These magnificent Orks in their flying machines consider themselves a cut above the average Ork both literally and metaphorically.  They have their own dialect they call ‘Banta’ that outsiders find difficult to understand.

I got these second-hand and pre-built off ebay.  The rotors had already snapped off when they arrived and the spindly tree that connects one to its base snapped while I was halfway through painting it, which all necessitated some tricky pinning to put right.  I’m not sure whether the blame  for this rightfully belongs with the model itself or the previous owner.

In hindsight it was a mistake to paint the landing skids yellow.  My scheme relies on separation of the yellow parts from the orange base to give sufficient contrast.  Usually this isn’t a problem because the yellow is on shoulder pads or t-shirts and there’s dark trousers below that.  In this case, when viewed from above, there’s not this separation and it looks a bit blah.  I may repaint these parts later if I have time and inclination.

Da Rootin’ Tootin’ Lootin’ & Shootin’ Boy

Keen scavengers of the battlefield as well as any parts of the ship that nobody is keeping an eye on.  These Lootas have a rivalry with Professa Krakdakka’s Flash Gitz over who can build the biggest and best guns.

I much prefer the look of the Burna Boy variant of these models, but I didn’t have the extra 10 points to spend this phase, and perhaps I’ll have the opportunity to give More Dakka a try and experience Lootas being ridiculously overpowered before it gets nerfed into the core of the earth.

Snotsmak’s Runtz

Urdgit’s apprentice Snotsmak is a lot more enthusiastic about the job than his master.  Some – specifically, the gretchin under his charge – might say too enthusiastic.  His grots fear him and his favourite whip, but will not pass up any opportunity to get their own back by playing a prank on him.

More gretchin!  Still quick & fun to paint.  These old sculpts are characterful and I like them, but I think this kit could do with a refresh just to sort out the feet, where some corners have been cut.  I have no idea what’s going on down there or even how many toes gretchin are supposed to have.

So, I now have a 1000 point Ork army, ready for phase 2 of the crusade.  Which is nice, although the realisation is dawning that I’m going to need to paint this many Orks again over the next two months to keep up with the slow-grow and get to 2000 points.  Orks may not have been the best choice for this…