Victory Pointless

The ‘Voidbound’ crusade that I’ve just started a new Ork army for began with a kick-off event during which we got two games in, so here’s a two-for-one special battle report.

Game 1: Orks v Genestealer Cults

“Orlright ladz,” said Uzblitz, “Mek sez we just need a few more bitz ta fix up da ship, so we go in dere ‘an take em.  Dere’s just a few punie humies in da way, shud be easy.”

“Uh, boss,” said Shouta, “‘Ow many arms iz humies supposed to ‘ave?”

“Two.  Why?  Ow many ave dis lot got?”

“Uh, wots more dan two, boss?”

This was a Combat-Patrol-rules 500 point game playing the Scorched Earth mission.

I got first turn and moved forwards a little gingerly, plinking a few wounds off the metamorphs with Flash Git and Rokkit launcher shooting.  In response the aberrants charged in and killed half the Kommandos and all but two of the boys.  I counter-charged with Nobs, Warboss & Gitz and wiped out the Aberrants.  The Metamorphs counter-counter charged into and took down the Nobs & Warboss but thanks to the Orks is Never Beaten stratagem they got to fight back and wiped the unit in exchange, leading to an Ork victory.

Uzblitz leaned heavily on his axe.  He was dripping blood from a variety of different sources.  “Iz dat… da last uv dem…?”

Tok peered cautiously around one of his legs.  “Fink so, boss.”

“Gud.  Might just have… a littul nap…”

The ground shook as the giant Ork collapsed onto it.

Result: Orks win 40 to 20

Game 2: Orks & Tau v Astra Militarum & Blood Angels

With the grace of a gazelle tied to a rock and hurled by a catapult, the newly rebuilt and renamed Gargantic pulled up out of the atmosphere.

Uzblitz sat in the captain’s chair.  More exactly, he sat on the captain’s chair – the command throne had been designed for a puny human posterior and his great frame couldn’t fit in the seat itself.  He’d had one of the spanners nail a board across the top of the armrests and he sat on that.

“Sciunce offisa, report!”

Professa Krakdakka studied the console in front of him.  “All systums fully operashonul, Kaptin!” A few of the lights blinked out.  “Some systums a bit operashonul, Kaptin.” He corrected.  Something was flashing.  “‘Vun sekont, I iz gettink sumfink on ze scannaz.  Dere izt sum uvver shipz up ‘ere.  Looks like dey are avvink a go!”

Uzblitz peered at the readout.  Two ships he recognised as Imperial seemed to be in combat with another of much sleeker design.  He grinned.  First day in space and things were already going well.  “Rammin’ speed, boyz!”

This was a 2v2 Boarding Actions game playing the Dark Voices mission.

The first half of this game for me essentially boils down to a lot of angry Orks all standing in a room doing nothing.  I got some boyz out of my starting zone to go bother some assault marines (they died) but wasn’t fast enough with the rest of my forces and got bottlenecked by a squad of Bullgryns that just wouldn’t go down.  Meanwhile my Tau partner engaged in a cat & mouse game with the Blood Angels and they mostly wiped each other out.

I had to go the long way around and eventually managed a semi-decent Waaagh turn, taking out the Blood Angels’ captain with the Flash Gitz and the Assault Marines with Uzblitz, scoring 25 points in one turn.  It was too little too late, though – we were behind on points and Uzblitz was left unsupported out in the open and then got taken down by shooting from almost the entire guard army, despite rolling a ridiculous amount of 5+ saves.

Professa Krakdakka stood over the fallen space marine captain and roared in triumph.

His ‘students’ beamed at him.  “Dere’s sum good gubbinz over ‘ere, Prof!”

From back the way they had come they heard the stomping of giant feet and a tremendous bellow.  This was followed by an even louder cacophony of massed lasgun fire.

Krakdakka peered around the corner.  “Looks like ze boss ‘as come a kroppa again.  OK klass, dats enuff fer today, letz get outta ere.  You grab ze loot and I’ll grab ze boss.” He glanced at the enormous – and gently smoking – body of Uzblitz and recalculated.  “Second fortz – I’ll grab ze loot unt you four carry ze boss!”

Result: Imperial Victory 115 to 85

Lesson learned: This was my first Boarding Actions game and I’ve learned it’s all about blocking, far more so than regular 40k.  My mistake was trying to get 40 orks all through one small hatchway instead of spreading out more and then not being aggressive enough to push forward and clear the choke points early.  I definitely would’ve taken more casualties but getting penned in like that was far more fatal score-wise.